Introducing: Contributor Dahntahn Abbie

Hey everyone, this is Dahntahn Abbie. I was born over 20 years ago in McGee Women's Hospital in Oakland. I go to movie school at the intersection of real meets world and unlike Davey Dormont, I actually do live downtown. I have actually never left downtown Pittsburgh and see no reason to. My goal as contributor is to give this blog a woman's perspective. It's a well known fact that at least half the people of Pittsburgh are women.

Last night I received the alarming news that Pittsburgh has been named the best city for food by Zagat. This news in and of itself is no surprise to me, but the article further went on to compare Lawrenceville to the NYC neighborhood of "Brooklyn". This is troubling to me because I feel like the current media landscape is already over-saturated with love for NYC. Let me tell you something about New York: it isn't that great. I went their this fall and a Ukrainian woman threw a cigarette at me, the bagels were just alright, and in general the whole place smelled like pee. And the traffic! Oy vey.

Since the liberal media wants to take my beautiful and pure town and compare it to something so hackneyed and tired as "Brookyln," I thought I would "take back the night," so to speak. As a student of movies and tv, I am constantly seeing shows and movies about people in New York, and I am sick of it. Let's reimagine some popular New York shows and see how they would go if they took place in Pittsburgh.

1. Seinfeld

There is a twitter account @YinzerSeinfeld that already attempts to make this joke, but I think I have a clearer vision. I would love to see Jerry rubbing elbows with Pittsburgh's comedy elite. I can imagine Kramer running on the field at a Pirate game to try to beat the perogies in a race. George would break up with his girlfriend because they disagreed about where exactly the Mon and Allegheny end. Elaine would still eat Jujy Fruits.

2. Girls

People always say (regarding New York) that if you make it their you can make it anywhere, but I don't think that rings true for the four friends on Girls. I can't imagine yinzers putting up with the bullshit that happens on this show. I don't think that we as a town would have the patience for Hannah Horvath and her weird tattoos. We lady Pittsburgh youth don't have time to "find ourselves," there is a playoff race to be concerned about.

3. How I Met your Mother

 

I met her in High School at Club Zoo. There, that was easy. Saved everybody a lot of time.

 

4. Sex and the City

 

You know what, maybe this one should stay in New York.