Women I would marry on the spot; Degrassi edition

'til Death do us part

Mia - she's no oatmeal. More like a homemade meatball sub with cheese & extra spicy sauce. Mia is a single mother who's kid I'd raise like it was my own in a second. First ballot HOF degrassi babe

JT literally died for mistakenly choosing Liberty Van Zandt over u ;)

Paige Michalchuk

The original all-star of Degrassi TNG; Paige is a high-maintenance girl who is worth the trouble. Famously (in my mind) played a spoof Degrassi character called Colette in the hilarious Kroll Show Degrassi spoof 'Wheels Ontario'

Sex helps populate the vast nation of Canada ;)

Emma Nelson

Degrassi high's moral compass can get it ;) Emma Nelson is the offspring of original Degrassi elite; endlessly moral and the kind of girl you can take home to momma. We should all be so lucky as to vow our unending devotion to the Emma Nelson in our lives ;)

Ellie Nash

Degrassi's resident bad girl, Ellie Nash is the kind of crazy you'd like to stick a wedding ring onto. She might have been into self-harm while going thru her adolescent awkward phase, but I have a feeling she develops into a well-respected news anchor under Caitlin Ryan's tutelage ;)

Manny Santos 

One of the show's most awkward transformations from tween to hot, there's no doubt Manny figures out if she has it she should flaunt it in adulthood. Absolutely the kind of girl that could ruin ur life, but it's still kinda worth it ;)

Backwoods Bhandari

I was at a bar for the last Steelers game, and the conversation clichely took a turn towards what number of sexual partners would a woman have to have had in her past for you to no longer be interested in her. My new friend Tom said 40; I think the real answer's more like 500, something so astronomical that you'd feel like her only goal in life was to run up the score. It's 2015, being a 'slut' is acceptable and you could do worse than to make sweet interracial babies with a gal like backwoods Bhandari ;)

Darcy

Ya she's kinda white trash but damn if she doesn't make the list of Degrassi co-ed's I'd like to walk down the aisle with ;)

Caitlin Ryan 

You could do worse than Canada's most respected journalist. Stacy Mistysyn is pretty likely who I was thinking of when I started writing about Amanda Stepto/Spike. Start spreading the news, she's Stacy Mystysyn-Dormont now ;)

Spike

One of the greats. Degrassi was an international sensation and Spike is the reason for the season ;)

Robin Scherbatsky

Never appeared on Degrassi but doesn't it sort of count that she had a fictional music video inspired by a Degrassi-esque canadian backstory?

I'd change my name to Davey Sparkles for u ;) U can rock my body 'til Canada Day....

Objectively bad/unwed-able women of Degrassi: The Next Generation

Liberty Van Zandt - JT said it best - obsessing over her would be like obsessing over lint, or oatmeal. Endlessly annoying & mean, LVZ is a classic Degrassi character who can't have my hand in marriage ;)

Ashley Kerwin

Could have been one of the greats. Ash loses her way the moment she decides to abuse the drug A-B-C-D-E (ecstasy) at a party and turns into Degrassi's resident goth/jagoff. Tried to write off Drake's rapping abilities in her first and last collaboration with a musical genius...

Sydney, the girl who dates Joey Jeremiah on Degrassi TNG

U mad? Joey J deserves better than this... where have u gone Caitlin Ryan ;)

Honorable Mentions - dateable but probably not wifey material

Haze - reading the tea leaves a little bit here but I'm guessing She's Just Not That Into Me..

Alex - she's got the heat on her fastball but damn if I didn't remember her character one bit. Any good Degrassi fan knows that when the Montreal crew is in town, you've got trouble on your hands...

Principal Hatzilakos - total babe but her kid's a teenaged pervert. I don't want to deal with fixing that piece of work...

Holly Sinclair - no offense but new characters after season ~6 don't really count, ya know?

Jane Vaughn - I take it back, sometimes characters from after season six of Degrassi the Next Generation are girls I actually could see myself spending the rest of my life with ;)

Later season's Liberty Van Zandt - straight close but no straight cigar ;)

Leia Chang - no disrespect but I grew up before u were ever a main character on Degrassi the next generation. You seem nice tho ;)

Clare Edwards - textbook 'good' weird but she's also feminist enough that she'd undoubtedly find me problematic.. Let's get a dialogue going baby girl ;)

Whatever it takes, I know I can make it through..