Twitter is a national treasure. I've been a tweeter since ~2008
March 2, 2009 tweet that might as well have been a billion years ago. So what are the best tweeters today?
Tila Tequila
This gal has totally lost her mind and live-tweets every second of it. Quick sampling:
"If you truly loved me you'd tell me to stop tweeting because of my universal desires for apathetic souls of the indigenous people"
"That's why so many people are constipated because of the Cup-O-Noodle plastic buildup blocking your uranus passageway to the exit."
"When you eat RA-men noodles you are literally eating the soul of the god RA & some men! Condemning your worthless souls to eternal death!"
"Someone write this shit down! My tweets are the new age Bible. #TilaSaves"
All of these tweets are legitimately w/in the last hour. Tila Tequila is a tweeter legend!!
NFL France
One of my absolute favorites on twitter; these guys don't seem to even really like any specific NFL teams in particular but you gotta believe they love to react to the latest NFL gossip in pure français like I haven't seen since high school..
The most excited people in the world to buy 2016 Jacksonville Jaguars tickets are probably citizens of France..
Some more favorites to gawk at:
Caroline is my little sister's name
Vontaze Burfict est scandaleux bien sur..
Yes, the 0 playoff-win Washington R*#skins copied the ~40 year old idea for terrible towels from 'burgh legend Myron Cope
lol
The guy who hates Ted Cruz
I just learned about this one yesterday... basically Ted Cruz's old roommate freshman yr of college HATED being Ted Cruz's roommate and isn't even being opportunistic complaining about it; apparently he's been tweeting Cruz jokes for ~4 years! incredible
There's nothing quite like the smell of cyber-bullying in the morning..
World Star HipHop Fans
Ya maybe endlessly pandering for RTs; this is still a key twitter follow if you wanna keep up with what the cool younger people are talking about. May be a little too obsessed with spongebob squarepants..
WPXI
Typically tweeting about local traffic and weather; the @WPXI twitter account is usually good for about ~5 absurd/funny tweets a week. WPXI anchor Katherine Amenta is probably my most famous twitter follower to date ;)
loren ipsum
Jane Pitt
I missed the prime of @JanePitt when she was still anonymous, but she's nonetheless an essential follow if you love the 'burgh as much as I do. Her investigative journalism on why people buy milk, bread, toilet paper when there's going to be a winter storm seems worth a topical read this morning:
Steigy
Despite facebook's best efforts, I don't know how to properly embed this ELECTRIC meandering video on Pittsburgh sports/ Antwaan Randle El: https://www.facebook.com/frankmurgiajr/videos/10204076227904756/
Either way this guy is an endlessly entertaining curmudgeon and the closest thing we have to a moral compass in pittsburgh sports media
Dave DiCello
My admiration for Mr DiCello's work is well established; following him on twitter as a resident of Pittsburgh is a near-constant reminder that you live in the most beautiful city in the world. wow..
Kanye/Drake/LeBron
Low batting average for all 3 with a HUGE slugging percentage for all 3; if you're not following this trio on twitter you're not paying attention
Seinfeld2000
In twitter's heyday, some humorless jagoffs created @ModernSeinfeld, a boring twitter that would just say stuff like "Jerry goes on a date with a girl he met on Tinder. Kramer gets in an argument with his Uber driver. Elaine tries a Cronut". They had correctly come up with the idea that Seinfeld would still be a funny show in the 2010's; but they lacked the sense of humor to make that concept funny on twitter. Enter Seinfeld2000, an endlessly creative riff on the concept of Seinfeld being on TV in 2016. This guy has been consistently funny and constantly tweeting modern seinfeld jokes for probably five years; one of my current favs:
H Jon Benjamin
As a famous (?) voice actor responsible for Coach McGuirk, Sterling Archer, and Bob Burgers; H Jon Benjamin cares about probably a hundred things more than his twitter account. He probably tweets once every 3 months, but he's batting 1.000 on the original tweets he does compose. I've probably retweeted over half of the 620 tweets he's composed in the last 5 years
Duquesne Women's Basketball
As a citizen of the 'burgh, while I do support the University of Pittsburgh and their athletics programs, I am a Duquesne Dukes man at heart. @DuqWBB stole my heart with the above pic celebrating their recent top 25 ranking in the world of NCAA Women's college bball. The blonde in the top right of the main pic having her eyes closed is gently hilarious :)
Cantankerous Old Woman
I don't remember which trolly tweet tipped me off to the magic of Cantankerousoldwoman (@cantankerousol1); but this is an absolute must-follow amidst an election season. I wonder which republican candidate she's referring to when she retweeted the above meme..
Urban Meyer
Constantly tweeting out useful info-graphics about how my alma mater is a wonderful place to be. Is the SEC irrelevant in the college football landscape in 2016? I'm just asking questions..
Famous Crab
"Weird Twitter" peaked like 5 years ago but some of the greats are still churning out weird content much to my heart's content. If you liked the above tweeter please also consider dril, dinkmagic, tree_bro for your weird twitter starter pack. RIP Tree_bro :(
Epcot
I don't know who this girl is (and it's almost certainly a girl) but this is one of the funniest twitters going; a psuedo-informational account of what's going on in the world of Disney's EPCOT amusement park. Absolute must-follow if your primary objective in life is to read quick funny jokes while you wait for the elevator
Countless others
I could spend all day writing about twitter greats but I am already ~20 minutes late for when I should typically leave for work. yins have a good one n'at
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